Friday 27 November 2015

You don't scare me anymore.

Not your perfect body,
Nor your hollow soul,
Not of that darkness, of being under control.
Not your strength,
Nor that smile shaped trapdoor.
Not of you, you don't scare me anymore.

No cringing at the scars.
Of those chaffing grips,
Left by you and your blasphemous whips.
No staring into the chasm of the dark.
No nightmares, no silent tears.
No shivers, no more of your fears.

No waiting for a glint of light,
No more watching my back,
For the fear of your spineless attacks.
Not scared of the water pouring down.
Nor of the silent, unhinged door.
You don't scare me anymore.

So, come, stand before me again.
I won't back down, I won't sway.
This time, you won't have your way.
You've had it, too many times, anyway.
I am strong, I bring with me, might.
It won't be fear that you'll see in my eyes.

Give your best shot, I'd like to see you try.
You may have won, many times before.
But you see, I am not fragile anymore.
The wounds have healed
My spirit reinforced.
No, you don't scare me anymore.

Monday 14 September 2015

Do you remember me?

Do you remember me?
I remember even the smell of your breath.
The way you would move, and around you, the air,
Somehow, always, caught in your hair.
How my heart would skip a beat
When I would see you.
Only, just, see.
A kiss would take my life, then hand it back to me.
You told me there was no love there.
But there was spark.
There was volatility.
There were explosions,so many; uncanny.
Do you remember the night sky, the stars?
The silence that you hated?
The questions that I asked?
A weak moment has me running through the past.
Do you ever think
Of the silhouettes and the shadows?
The dew, the stones, the weed?
How our breaths lulled us to sleep?
Yes, there was love there.
It's just that you never knew.
I caught on, but, a tad too late.
The only thing you couldn't satiate.
I would listen, as you would talk
About the others that ruled your thoughts
Do you know how many times I died?
Parts of me even your kisses didn't revive.
You ensured you never held my hand,
Seized my heart, and part of my soul,
Unintentional, the only aim, la morte, petite.
Oh, loveless slayer, do you remember me?

Thursday 18 June 2015

Done, Undone.

As her arm slid out
From under her pillow,
And reached
A cold and rather
Biting bed sheet,
She froze,
And pulled back
Her arm, still reaching,
Unsure,
And fell back to sleep.

While she dreamt
Of sunshine,
And red Calla Lilies,
And hands intertwined,
Succinct and lithe,
A smile returned
To a face that'd forgotten
What it meant to be
Sunny,
And irrationally blithe.

But a dream is a dream,
How ever hard you try
It ends,
Whether twisted
Or sprayed in calm,
Eyes to the ground,
She walked in the rain
No surprise when she found
Fisted,
Her heart and her palms.




Thursday 11 June 2015

The ache.

There is this ache
That starts at the bottom of my neck
And ends at my heart.
But the pain never ceases.
I remember my head on your shoulder.
Watching your chest rise
And in perfect rhythm, fall.
And fall.
I wait for your warmth
To engulf my being again.
To hear your laughter.
And fill my heart’s hollow silence.
Oh what would I give
To watch you bury your face in my lap again.
To feel your smile reach my face.
And wish good riddance to these tears.
Hold me, from a far.
Lie with me.
Close my eyes, and put me to sleep.
And wake me up only when you’re here.




Monday 16 March 2015

The house.

They screeched
They scratched
At the windows, closed, 
At the curtains, well juxtaposed.

The dim light that seeped,
The light music that bled
They clawed,and mauled and snapped
At that, which they had not had.

Turned and twisted
Their necks and heads, and minds.
Desire and envy were never in short supply
In the green monochrome of their tinted eyes.

Every lithe tread was a threat.
Every word whispered a writing on the wall.
They eyed the house, every look a stone
What holds up the structure? Does anyone know?

They waited for the rains.
They begged and begged for slaughterous storms.
They prayed hard for hard hail.
But to no visible avail.

In the cold winters, the house glowed with warmth.
Summers seemed brighter in its proximity.
In the rains, it smelled like wet earth.
Oh, what has given to this magnanimity birth?

At the slightest tremor, they ran,
Galloped, to watch the carnage;
But its unassailability brought to their eyes tears,
Poked at, by the shards of unfulfilled dreams and years. 

Their houses had been destroyed,
Ransacked, bludgeoned, ravaged and lost.
The only bricks that did remain,
Encrusted their hearts with pestiferous pain. 

The indestructible house opened wounds,
Reminded them of their own plight.
Filling their hermetic hearts with hatred, this sight, 
For the love that did somehow survive.

Tuesday 17 February 2015

Outrageous



She walked into the bar, dressed to kill. The group of men standing near the entrance exchanged glances, and their eyes followed her down the room. Her little black dress was adorned with sequins on the empire waist-line. Her hair was open, but it looked like the wind had been in a brawl with it. A very controlled brawl.

She went to the bar; the bartender gave her a hug from over the counter, and handed her a shot of Absinthe, without a word from her luscious red mouth. She gulped it down in a go, and then repeated the process 3-4 more times, before heading off to the dance floor. Various people greeted her, it was obvious that everyone knew her. And if they didn’t, they wanted to. She danced openly, no sign of any reserves. Her candour rubbed off on those around her (or was it the alcohol?), but everyone moved to the same rhythm as her. Her hair grew wilder, like it had a mind of its own. More shots were bought, and gulped down without any ado. The night was young, there was no point in wasting it.

She went from club to club; different people, different cars. She danced, she drank. It was 3 a.m. by the time she reached the 4th pub. 10 minutes in, 2 guys sent over beer. 20 minutes in, the guys came to introduce themselves. Flashing their iPhones, in their Levis jeans, that hung on for life, they spoke with obviously fake accents. She looked at them- studying them closely, top to bottom. The smug look on their faces melted into confusion when she broke into a fit of laughter. They left, humiliated, swearing under their breath in their mother tongues. She continued dancing, she danced till she needed a drink again- and then she danced some more.

A tall, dark guy, with the most outrageous hairstyle made his way towards her. She knew he was the reason why many of the girls had left the pub, disgusted. She noticed him from the corner of eye, and straightened her ring. He came up to her, put his arm around her waist, presumptuously patted the wallet in his pocket with his other hand, and quoted a large figure. She turned towards him, and bent her neck a little to the side and smiled. A conceited smile formed on his lips. He moved his hand further south, his smile widening. She lifted her hand to his face, pinched his cheek, and then punched his nose. The anger on his face came out in hues of red, you could see the smoke rising from the top of his head. He walked away, silently, then turned around, probably to screech something, but saw her holding up a particular finger for him to see. He stormed out, calling her things the music easily buried. The people around her hi-fived her. She didn’t know any of them, and they thought they knew her, so she just smiled politely, and gulped down a few more shots. That punch was going to hurt badly tomorrow. But, for now, there was music. It was the time to dance.

She made it to her house, stumbling sometimes, tripping on nothing, while her creepy neighbour watched her from his window. Slowly, she took off her stilettoes, and stepped on the cool marble floor and stretched her toes. She placed heels in the corner, carefully, and made her way to the kitchen. The light from the open refrigerator was blinding after the dark and dim pubs. She grabbed a bottle of fresh orange juice, and walked over to her bookcase. She stared at it for a while, in the dim yellow light coming from the street. Then she sighed. After all, work was work. She pulled out the copy of Animal Farm, and the bookcase creaked and slid to the right. She stepped barefoot on the wooden surface, and walked to the table at a distance. 4 screens came to life as soon as she sat down in front of them. She took off her ring and placed it into the tray, and immediately some numbers began flashing on the screen. Time remaining- 30 minutes.

She looked around the room. The realisation of the emptiness stung her every time, but she had no choice; what she did, was too important, too sacred to be compromised by any affairs. She cracked her knuckles, and got up to change. 10 minutes later, she was again seated in front of those screens, now, in comfortable track pants and a black tank top. She turned on her computer, and raptly began writing some codes, typing vigorously. The other screen beeped after sometime, displaying all the information she needed. It was 4.30 in the morning now. She had just a little time to finish the job. She smiled. She smelled a challenge.

A loud thud on the door woke her up. The evening newspaper was there. She got up, and languidly opened the door to pick up the tabloid. Before turning to go into her house again, she raised a finger in the direction of her neighbour’s window. The sharp closing of the curtains made her chuckle.

She made herself some coffee and settled in her bean bag with the newspaper. She leafed through the newspaper leisurely, and went through the rest of the news before starting the local news section. She studied the page carefully, finished her coffee and got up to get dressed. Tonight, she would wear red. The newspaper lay open on the table. A picture of a tall, dark guy stood out. Maybe it was the accompanying caption that made it so conspicuous: Death in a freak accident. Malfunctioning brand new-microwave bursts and burns man alive. Or maybe, it was the outrageous hairstyle.

Stairs



The empty stairs ring with the silence

Of your absence;

Of the vacant space next to my nothingness.

A cold, morose jingle plays in the distance.

My heart, tessellated with memories.

Of you. Of you and me.

The empty stairs haunt every step,

Bereaved of much sanity,

Wandering, lifeless, lonesome.

Loathe, loathsome existence.

Such provisional misdemeanours.

No ladder that can be climbed,

To lead to you or your arms.

The warmth has disappeared.

The icy wind scoffs in my ear.

The empty stairs mock my loneliness.

The dew on the grass fails to tickle.

Waiting, waiting for home.

Tireless, tired feet walk.

Towards you, us.

Every breath is a stretch.

Every step a toll.

Time didn’t stop then.

Why has it now?

The jar glows, like your eyes did.

The empty stairs ring with the silence,

Deriding me, killing me softly.

The empty stairs are suffused with your laughter.

And my hollow heartbeats.