I remember

I remember not how we ended up in that spot
Nor how there were such scintillations in the darkness opaque
I remember turning and finding your eyes,
Then turning away, such revelations at stake.

I remember your finger under my chin
I remember my eyes peering into yours
The careful brush against my lips
The twinkle in your eyes before mine closed.

I remember the tightening grip
As your arm moved on my waist
I remember the tingles, and all the chills
I remember putting my hand on your face.

I remember not how my hands reached your hair
Nor how your hands were on my back,bare,
I remember though, the smile on your lips,
I remember the intimacy we shared.

I remember my heart beating
I remember hearing yours too
Not a single beat together
Not a single beat out of tune.

I remember a beautiful dream,
I remember the halcyon and peace
I remember your knowing smile.
I remember not you being such a tease.

You left in the morning.
And I did too.
I remember the last look you gave.
Nothing else I wish to remember, nothing else I do.

Games

Life was a puzzle, I declared solved.
You made my heart the missing piece.
Oh, you beautiful thief.

You stand at the finish line
Having made my heart rush and race.
For it to stop you wait. 

Without exchanging a word,
Our eyes talk.
In a crowd of people long forgotten or never talked of.

In a game of chase, we remain stuck
Forever in a loop,
Who chases who?

We reach out for each other
In a room clandestine.
Both hiding, both fighting.

We are so good at faking indifference,
There is no point in keeping score
I can't bear to, anyway,any more.

Invested in hide and seek,forever.
We both could hide, and neither would look,
One is the sea, the other a brook.

Each plays the pawn, while each is the king.
Each makes moves the other anticipates,
Neither can lose, neither elates.

These games our hearts play,
Leave my brain bewildered.
And,now, it has surrendered.

How?

How can this be friendship?
How can this be love?
How can this be anything
Not written in Heavens above?

How can there be such anger
Doused with that much lust?
How can there be magnanimous desire
In a land of adulterated rust?

How can someone contain
In their eyes the fires of hell,
And have the placid serendipity
Of Shangri-La as well?

How is it that someone
Can bring in so much color,
In a life made grey by everything
They represent,they do,they savour?

How can the infallible so easily fall,
When dependable is all they'd ever been?
How can there be such exuberance
In things that aren't supposed to have been?

How can your presence burn me up
And make me pine for more?
How can water both quench your thirst,
And leave you as parched as before?

How can I wish to hold your hand,
When my heart will never be yours?
When I know you need me right by your side,
How can I not plunge into these wars?

How could I think that fanning a spark,
Won't lead to a damn firestorm?
How can I still not wish to put it out?
After all, I know that its wrong.

Beauty and the Beast

Afraid of the dark- from the very start, Afraid of what it had to offer
She walked into his dimlit cave,
No care for anything thereafter.

Her consciousness just fueled the trance,
His monstrosity making her humane.
She knew full well, the repercussions that entailed
But when does one want love that's mundane?

The waves of desparation broke at her feet.
So she walked in, breaking every known wall,
From the safety of a littoral, secure and serene,
She dived in, head on.

Inanimate life, in a lonesome lawn,
Under skies blue and dark.
Echoing in the emptiness of his soul,
Her voice,borrowed from a lark.

With the nightfall, more silence came,
Broken by her hallowed screams.
The days were long gone, far far away,
As were her golden dreams.

But she loved and cared, and sang and loved,
And his cold eyes did see color,
Red orange and gold, he saw every hue.
And the warmth in his heart was uncovered

And then he knew of them, of her and love.
And he took in his hands her hands blue.
Beast loved and cared and sang and loved.
And loved Beauty all eternity through.

It kills me when you're gone

I count the steps you take,

When you walk away,

And take my heart with.

I think you do, at least,

Cause the void that's in my chest.

Couldn't really be anything else.

The absence of you, of your smell,

Leaves me mad, leaves me depressed.

Oh, come back to me.

I'd rather take your indifference,

Than the heartbreak of your absence.

Please, do not leave.

My soul is scarred, your truancy burns.

At every footstep, my head turns.

Desperation, is this not?

Come back, come back soon.

Don't walk away, don't lengthen this June.

It kills me when you are gone.

Chandeliers

Early morning, late one night.
A sleepless soul heard a knock on his door.
The sky was dark, too dark to hide,
And her porcelain skin shined through.

Her tired red eyes spoke of distress,
Her smile spoke of secrets he longed to know,
From a transitory trance, as he did egress,
In her wake, his presence aglow.

The thunder of the clouds, the magnificent sky,
Her soaking black dress, mimicking the midnight blue,
The lightning bolts, and their reflections in her eyes.
The slight shiver in her voice made her words hard to construe

A place to stay, just for a while,
For the storm to pass, for the sky to clear.
He thought for a second, then wondered why.
He smiled at her, you can stay here.

The music of the rain drops filled the silence,
As he stepped aside to let her in.
The empty foyer filled with her being, her essence.
Politely smiling, as she walked in.

The light murmur in the hall halted for none,
But she was different, always had been
The instruments continued to strum,
All eyes turned to her, beauty right out of a dream.

The gathering of the finest kind,
It was like it had been waiting just for her,
In every conversation, drinks did, a way, find.
Introductions, way more than one can endure.

The windows were opened by one of the guests,
Cold shivers ran through one and all.
The laughs were now a little less repressed.
Dancing, loving, people fell like cannonballs.

She talked to some, observed more,
The chandelier kept catching her eye.
She stood beneath it, stared and adored.
And barely noticed the time flying by.

With a heavily pounding heart,
Up to her he walked.
Fixated at the chandeliers from the start.
He knew she wouldn't shy from a talk,

And she didn't, she smiled sociably.
And talked about the winsomeness of the world.
He ached to tell her of her own beauty,
But somehow knew she would've already known.

They talked well into the night,
His graceful guest and he,
From things he'd earlier shied,
He found no reason to be.

There was something about her,
Something he needed to care for,
A sadness as cold as champagne glasses were.
As unlike the warm smile that she wore.

Away from the prying eyes,
With strawberries, and rim-filled glasses;
Divulged under the roaring skies,
Watched the storm as it passes.

As he awoke,
To find the sun shining in his eyes.
Alone, under the Oak.
He wasn't surprised.

The enigma that she was, she is,
Unsolved, unattainable.
He didn't remember if it was real, the kiss.
But the reminiscence was inexplicable.

He looked at his chandelier,
And mused, and smiled, and left.
Again, he knew, he'd never see her,
But of her being it'd never be bereft.

No love lost, no one found.
A moonstruck moment in a momentous night.

Some mystifying company, a lonesome crowd.

Oh what dreams realities incite.

His

I catch my eyes drifting,
To you, and your beautiful face.
He's sitting right beside you,
And I can't help but stare.
I'd stand up now, and kiss you.
Right now, right here.
I'd leave all, and run with you,
If you'd only care.

I watch you watch me all day,
From the corner of my eye.
I can't just let you do that,
He's sitting right by my side!
I long to let you hold me,
To lie in your embrace, tight
I hold my breath and wait
For the blanket of the night.

He plays with your hair,
Caresses your face
Gets to drown in your eyes,
And hold you by the waist.
Everytime he touches you,
It rips to shreds my bliss.
I feel my heart crash and burn.
Why are you only his?

He is a beautiful soul,
Like me, so much like me.
You are so very different,
Then how come you make me free?
You say all you've learnt of love,
You have from seeing us.
You say you know now what a heartbeat is.
But all I know-is being his.

Death

The shooting stars above our heads,

Sparks flying through the air, 

Between us.

Tearing my patience to shreds,

Your silent looks, that volatile stare.

Oh, how my strengths you test.

The tick of the clocks,

The light bugs,

And your glowing skin.

The racing pulses, eyes talk.

Passion unplugged.

And the beautiful sky we soar in.

As you push back from my face, 

Strands of hair come loose.

I hold my breath.

The air satiates with your taste.

Our hearts rush, neither calling a truce,

Is this sweet death?

Your fingertips trace my hand,

My face, my back.

My soul.

Everything wanted and unplanned,

Rising from smoke, pitch black,

Take shapes beyond my control.

The breeze leaves me shivering, cold;

Or is that you?

It is, isn't it?

Your touch tingles, lures,bites, and scores.

And without much ado, 

My heart, and soul you aggravate.

Myself, I try to free,from pain,

From you, from your embrace.

I avoid those cold, fiery eyes.

With all my strength I pull away,

And draw closer instead.

Oh sweet surprise.

My ecstasy, my eskimo, 

My death, you will be.

The happiest, most vicious death.

 As you burn me, lo, and behold,

To end, my smiles won't cease.

Embrace me, love me,Oh dear Death.

Unbreakable

What have I ever done, but love you?

Who have I been, without you?

You are my hallelujah. You are my win.
You are mine, and mine to keep.

There is nothing left to give,
There is nothing left to take.
We kept asking for more,
When nothing was left.

The rustling leaves, the dancing trees.
They are the same, aren't they now?
The trembling lips, the uncaring grips.
I miss them- you, somehow.

I thought me unbreakable.
I thought you true.
I did think wrong-
Love is blind and cruel.

Now I wonder, now I stray.
I look for stones when I see windows.
Dried out tears, dried to waste.
Pretentious panes, shuddering shadows.

The cold alley, the sounds of fire.
The patchy blanket, and us curled up inside.
Your warmth radiating into my soul.
Reviving me every time I died that night.

The apathy of my ardor seems fitting,
Seems right.
Holding on, as I ride into the Sun,
Without forgetting. I tried.

Lie to Me.

The light, it burns my soul.
The silence, it deafens me.
Closed eyes, closed minds.

I don't want to know.
I don't want to feel.
Waking up feels like demise.

Reliving those nights, by closing my eyes.
Your eyes tracing my back,
 As I walked away.

The footsteps, still echo,
 I can't remember
What did you always say?


What did you always sing?
I hum your tunes, like I used to then.
Sometimes, I just dance to no song.

I see you walk, down the street.
I see you look at me and leave.
Hasn't it already been too long?

Won't you look at me, won't you ever?
Won't you talk, or smile?
Don't look at me and make me unseen.

Silences drown me in wisps of smoke.
If there is nothing good left to say,
Just. Lie to me.

A conscious storm.

The sky is dark, the clouds roll in,

Languid-each step, every breath.

Lost in my thoughts, I walk in again,

And in my path, stop dead.

Back in those paths, once again.
Back where it all did begin.
Memories flash right before my eyes,
Remembering, missing,sinking in.

The passing wind reminds me
Your breath on my neck, whispering.
Those words unknown to others,
Your voice in my head, ever lingering.

The first time that you touched me,
Every wall, every fear broke down.
The fire that ran through me,
Once again, in that inferno,my heart drowns.

Every smile, every twinkle of your eyes.
Every frown, every wrinkled nose.
I remember,I keep remembering.
Every moment we spent far and close.

The way your kisses left me shaking,
Overcome with emotions, numb.
Every touch, every burning touch.
Every word, to which I'd succumb.

I remember you, and all the lines on your hand.
I remember it all, I remember it all the time.
I remember every laugh we laughed, every tear we cried.
I remember everything, every moonlight and crime.

I remember all the lies, and all the truths and taunts.
I remember all my fears, and all the darkness of my heart.
I remember all our fights, I remember all our tears.
I remember our last kiss, just like the one at the start.

I feel my heart sink, the way it did that day.
The hesitating hands, the uncomfortable embrace.
 Wanting to melt away, into you, as always.
The look in your eyes, the tears on my face.

I reminisce,I muse.
I recollect, I surrender.
Surrender to the past,
 Pieces in entirety I remember.

Every little thing reminds me of you,
Every passing breeze, every blurred face.
I go whirling down memory lane.
Lost in this torpor, in you, always.

I let these memories of mine,
Like water wash over me, over my mind.
And just as water, uncaptured by hand,
I pass lifeless through the clutches of time.

This bittersweet pain that your memories leave,
I wish these rains would wash it away.
This nostalgia, it's very becoming of me.
There is nothing left,on my lips,is just your name.

Nevermore.

Fingers entwined, they walk the roads,

Their roads, their paths, their secret windows. 

 Nothing trembles, there are no chills;
A pleasant, warm sun shines through.

In a town, where rains are rare,
A calm sun shines all through the day.
No winds that blow away the dust,
That settles in the yellowing dog-eared books.

They sit together, and eat, and talk,
They walk together, like hands of a clock.
Nothing to keep them apart, not them.
Just time, each day, perhaps.

He watches her go, he watches her work,
He watches her smile, an infrequent perk.
She leaves on his arm, full glory of the Sun,
Steals glances at the sky, won't no cloud come?

Another day,a bright sun, and no rain.
An empty dance floor, she sighs once again.
Lonely, she knows, he won't make it.
And finds his arm, outstretched, waiting.

"One dance" he asks, and smiles and waits,
"One dance", she thinks, and hesitates.
Brown eyes, so warm, and yet so cold.
She takes his hand, and off she goes.

In maybe a blink of an eye, that one just turned to many,
They danced, they laughed, they sang, all the while drinking a-plenty.
He was no where to be seen, and suddenly he'd always been there.
The clouds were dark and heavy, but somehow, she didn't care.

The storm that started then, dead pages it did resurrect,
Fingers and souls, turned and twisted, together, perfect.
The clink of her ring falling was drowned in the sounds,
Of the patter of the rain drops, against their broken breathing.

The cold winds blowing everything away and together,
The dark and wet night, the sudden change of the weather.
The careless laughs, the uninhibited frenzy.
The unknown emotions, intoxication, the ecstasy.

When the clouds cleared, she knew she had to leave.
He knew she'd go back to him, no point in any plea.
There were no words, no promises, no need for any.
Forever the memories, forever the fervor, and yet, nevermore.

Demons

Slowly, so slowly, the mist parts.

A ray, just one, of sunshine comes through.

The sight clears, the sight once so fogged;

There is me, just me, and my demons in view.

Demons, of my past, and of my present,

And probably of my future too.

Every dark corner shows me another one.

Every lonesome corner, every solitary move.

And then at a corner, I turn and find,

Another soul, another one, a like mind.

The dew drops, like crystals shine brightly so,

This road is new, have I left all behind?

Suddenly my demons aren't the only ones

By my side, to take my hand, Oh, epiphany.
Suddenly, I have so much, so,so much more-
That my demons vanish- into the darkness that is me.

The serenity, the peace that I have found
In these souls so similar to mine,
So much to discuss, so much to converse,
So much to discover, so much to find.

Smiling is frequent, my days are now abuzzed.
My heart is lighter, a hope slowly usurps.
My demons, they are calmer, the noises have died down.
The sounds are sweeter, friendship now does chirp.

Finding someone with demons much like yours,
Simplifies life, a tension is sort of off.
Expectations, dreams aren't all that important now,
Together, we can play, praise, share and scoff.

Out of faith

Lets close our eyes, lets look inside;
Lets find what we've been searching for.
Let the world be, let the world spin.
Lets just leave, and never come back.

I closed my eyes, and let me fall;
I closed my eyes, to me and all.
I did me wrong, and did no good.
I lost myself,somewhere, alone.

There is no point, no point at all;
There is nothing left to probe.
There is maybe, a little warmth,
There should be, but I'm out of faith.

No faith, no hope, maybe some.
No there isn't, it's all undone.
No this isn't, this shouldn't be.
No,won't be right, not a bit.

Take it all, take it away,
Take my soul, as you did that day,
Take it again, don't bring it back.
Take everything-its soiled and sad.

Just let it be, just let it rest,
Just for this once, I can't take a chance.
Just someone,  anyone, just any plan.
Just I me myself, just this for a while.

What happened just did,redos aren't done.
What I did I did,can't undo my mistakes.
What will happen, I don't know, don't want to.
What is, is happening, will happen anyway.

Well, fuck you too.

The wounds are fresh, the tears still run.

My heart still burns away as the Sun.

Alone, in the dark, with fire inside me.

Away far away, with no one beside me.

I thought I'd gotten used to the hurt and the pain.

Impunity I'd thought,now I'd managed to gain.

But every cut burnt just as much.

Just as every slap, and every tender touch.

I gave up, I gave in, cowardice-I know.

I've had it, I cave in, can't take another low blow.

I did what I had to, I stood up for me.

I knew I just had to, for myself, and me.

With all of the heart ache, and strains and the sores,

I managed to find some shoulders to set shore,

I thought to myself, "Hey, this does seem nice"

And Life saw to it, that all them turned into lies.

One by one every rampart and support, 

Got up and left, or just watched me go.

I told my heart, once more, be strong, just hold on.

My heart but, it has let go, and I must move on.

Move on to a shore, move on to a new life,

One with less hurting, one with less strife.

I'll turn to this life, and wave all Adieu.

But before the final Goodbye, well, fuck you too.

Nobody's home.

The Sun didn't rise today, neither at dusk did it set
It is her heart that drowns in the darkness of night instead.

A familiar stroking hand now misses from her head.
No moment of peace.

No smiles, nobody home to go back to.
No joy, no sense of belonging anyone to.
No shoulder, no lap to pour her heart out to.
No one to put her at ease.

She knew it was wrong, that she should change,
She knew she should cut off those balls and chains.
She couldn't take the hurt over and over again.
But unnoticed passed all the hints

They wished she would,

She wished she could,

She knew she should,

But didn't.

There is loneliness, there is hurt,
All the pain, and the harshness curt.
With all that's happened, lessons learnt.

Her faith fails.

Surrounded by prosaic faces,alone in the crowd.
Blank faces, blank eyes,pragmatic and so proud
Nothing to just, for a while, her sadness shroud.
Isolation prevails.

The incompleteness, the failures put her to shame
Every mistake, every fault, everything-she's to blame
The life she dreamt of crashes,and burns,and fades.

Cue for an exit.

Crippled, injured;there is too much pain inside,

Insecure, unsure,there is way too much to fight.

She saw it at the end, and so she walked into the light.

And that was it.

For a soul sister

Life and its machinations leave me on the floor,

Every dream, every hope goes flying out the door.

In this ocean of endless pain,only one visible shore.

In this bedizened life, my Excelsior,  my pride.
The only one who held me every time that I cried.
In the marriage of our hearts, my all-giving bride.

While love might continue to play peekaboo,
A path through my heart who managed to construe.

And somehow manage to calm my heart's hullabaloo

Saving my wispy wishes, against unbridled unknowns galore.

Protecting me and my precious from drowning into this torpor.

Shielding this Frodo from Gollum, a Sam in my mind's Mordor.

 Riding through the dark, an princess in a knight's disguise,
There at every step, right there, to save my life.
And through the obscurities, a flash of burning white.

Through this labyrinth of life,leading me to the light.
Paving a pearly path, through the poor and the plight
Fighting the winds of change, with all our might.

The one with a solution before the problem can register
The one who will stand against any Miss, and Mister.
The one whom I love- my  beloved soul sister.

Fix me

The chatter in the corridors,
The emptiness on this side of my door.
The whole world is spinning,
And I just stand still.

I watch as everyone rushes,
With things to say everyone gushes.
I stare and stare, feeling trivial,like a fool
I lie alone, away, like a forgotten tool.

Purposes, desires, everything my life lacks.
Horrors of loneliness,of all I have left back.
I am just the ghost of who I used to be.
Only the traces remain of the real, true me.

Nothing to live for, no one to look for me anymore.
I can't go on, not like this, for sure.
I need to feel needed, I need for someone to save me.
I am broken, broken hearted, I need for someone to fix me.

I need a purpose in life, and one I can't seem to find.
I need to fill my empty time, I am slowly losing my mind.
I want to go home, I need to find a way back to me.
Cause if noone else will, I will fix me.

Complications

The complications that arise,

Of heart, of soul, of love and life.

The sad truths of being alone.

The hurts and aches, the future unknown.

Fickle, unsettling, the heart and its yearning,

Solitude and serenity, loneliness and lesser learnings.

The comfort of being with oneself, 

And the agony of having no-one else.

At these cross roads, at these forks,
At this stage, at this phase with no quirks.
I look for a helping hand, a shoulder to shed my tears on.
And I watch as onto the ground, the stream of tears drops on.

How these knots arose, I have no clue.
But suddenly I question everything that I believed was true.
And lost in these knots and ties, I forgot the real world.
I forget who I was, I no longer remember my own words.

There is a heaviness in my heart, I feel nothing but pain.
And hurt, the never-ending ache my heart feels on each beat and again.
Life is changing, and I don't care why.
What is unclear is how will I?